I struggled to breathe for a few moments, gulping oxygen like a drowning survivor. All the air had literally been knocked out of me. It was then that I realised that I was shaking violently. I tensed my muscles and tried to stop shaking.
All that happened was that the pressure increased on my shoulder and the incessant shaking just got worse, a small moan escaped my lips and thankfully the shaking stopped. Gosh, I hurt all over, my entire body felt like one heave bruised mess of hurt.
Hazily, I registered someone sighing, “Oh you’re alive! Thank god!” I just closed my eyes and allowed my head to loll back succumbing to the warm, welcoming sleep that was oh so inviting. The annoying shaking started again and annoyance rose in me, who was this idiot that just wouldn’t allow me to sleep? As if the shaking wasn’t enough, the idiot started yelling, his voice grating against my poor abused head. His pitch rose higher and higher, until it felt like my head was about to explode. “Wake up! Wake up! Just get up. You can’t go to sleep, you’ll die. Oh my god! You’ll die and I’ll have your death on my hands. Don’t die. You can’t die. Just.”
This stupid idiot! He wanted me to wake up when he hadn’t even let me sleep.I ought to teach this idiot a lesson. I really should. Trying my best to remember that self-defense move one of the bigger girls had demonstrated to us at the orphanage, I curled my fist and with all the strength I could muster, lashed out in the direction that the annoying noise was coming from.
My eyes were still closed but it seemed that idiots face was closer than I thought and I heard a sickening crunch followed by, “Shit! What’s wrong with you!” as my eyes flew open to see him cradling his nose.
“I’m sor..” I began before changing my mind. “Good, you deserve it. As if it wasn’t enough that I had to go against all my scruples just to write you one stupid essay because you have no brains and can’t manage to write one yourself you had to injure my poor brains too. My head hurts, My back hurts, My ribs hurt and my heart hurts because I’m sure my mother is looking down at me very upset at what I’ve done and you don’t even have the decency to let me sleep. So what if I die, It’s better of that living in this miserable universe that idiots like you reside on.”
Suhail seemed very weirded out and began backing away cradling his nose staring at me wide-eyed as if I was a patient from the mad hospital. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was in so much of pain, I would have found this situation hilarious.
“Yeah, run away coward. You know what? Please go. I hate you! I don’t think I can stand another second in your presence.”
I watched him retreat in satisfaction but once he was gone so was my distraction. All the pain and heartache returned. My head began throbbing, my ribs began aching, my backside was probably turning blue but most of all was the pain in my heart.
I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “Will it ever end?” I questioned yearning for someone to comfort me and reassure me that it would but there was not a soul in sight.
Little did I know HE was watching, HE saw everything, HE was waiting for me to turn to him but I barely even knew HE existed. I knew I was Muslim but I didn’t know what being Muslim entailed. It was only later that I came to know of HIM. That despite everything HE loved me. HE would have helped me through everything but I didn’t know about HIM so I didn’t turn to him for help.
Due to everything that I went through I later pondered how come I didn’t snap? How come I didn’t go crazy? How come I don’t suffer from depression? How come I didn’t resort to terrible avenues and criminal activities? The reason for this was that HE was watching over me. Allah loved me more than any human ever could and he protected and helped me through everything but at that moment I felt utterly crushed and defeated that I actually contemplated suicide but something held me back. Little did I know it was HIM, My creator, my guardian, my Allah.